Nigerian singer Tems is getting real about a difficult chapter in her love life, revealing what it felt like to be in a relationship that crossed the line from affection into control.
In a recent interview, the “Essence” star spoke openly about being with someone she described as “obsessive and possessive.” She explained that, at the time, she believed she was experiencing love—but later realized it wasn’t the kind of love she truly believes in.
“I have experienced love where I thought it was love, but it was more like someone trying to own me,” she said.
Tems went on to clarify her perspective, emphasizing that real love should never feel like ownership. “Love is not about owning another human being. It’s about two people coming together as one without taking ownership of each other,” she explained.
She also pointed out that people in toxic relationships don’t always recognize the harm they’re causing. According to her, that lack of awareness can make things even more complicated.
“Sometimes, the toxic person doesn’t even realize they’re toxic. They say they love you, but their actions show otherwise because love cannot exist where someone feels they own the other,” she added.
For Tems, that disconnect between words and actions made the relationship emotionally exhausting and confusing—especially when one partner genuinely believes their behavior is rooted in love.
Looking back, she now places strong importance on mutual respect, support, and personal freedom in relationships. She believes a healthy partnership should allow both people to grow together, not feel controlled or diminished.
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