Are you a people pleaser? Do you have a hard time telling people no and are often doing favors for others? Will you do anything to avoid disappointing others? Do you find yourself worrying about losing relationships? You just might be a people pleaser if you answer these questions affirmatively.
Being a people-pleasing person might mean you are very compassionate, caring, and kind-hearted. However, if you live to please others because you need acceptance, avoid rejection, and can’t say no, your behavior might become an unhealthy way to live especially if you are experiencing negative effects.
You might find yourself stressed, overwhelmed, and overtired. Here are some tips to help you become a self-pleaser rather than people pleaser.
1. Determine the reason behind wanting to please others
It is important that you find the reason you are consumed with pleasing others so that you can focus on eliminating those feelings. If you are looking for approval from others, what can you do to help others without looking for that approval? If you are afraid of rejection, picture what the worst-case scenario would be if you were rejected. Is it a realistic thought, or are you overreacting?
2. Realize that taking care of yourself is not selfish
Most people pleasers put others before themselves and often find themselves feeling ill either mentally, physically, or both. Taking care of yourself does not mean you are a selfish person. You need to remember yourself and do things that please you as well. You might even need to put yourself before others for a while in order to improve your health.
3. Say yes to yourself
Another healthy thing you need to do is say “no” to other people’s needs and “yes” to your own ones. How do you do that? It will take practice, but keep in mind that you can say “no” to others in a way that is truthful yet considerate of others’ feelings.
Use a sentence starter like this: “I would love to help you, but I can’t because… (fill in the blank).” Maybe you already have a full plate, or maybe you just are not available. Whatever it is, be sure to practice saying “no” often.
4. Learn to set boundaries for others and for yourself
Boundaries are important to keep relationships healthy. No one is taking advantage of the other because boundaries have been established. You will need to be sure that you enlighten others about those boundaries, and then stick to them so that everyone is on the same page.
5. Get help if you need it
Sometimes, you can be in over your head and feel like you can’t set the boundaries or say “no.” It is okay to feel that way. That is when you will need to seek professional help. Find someone you can trust to help you overcome obsessing about pleasing others so you can be a healthier you.
Helping others is truly an honorable thing to do, but when it consumes your life and your actions, puts others needs above yours, and causes you to become ill, it is time to ditch the people pleasing actions, set boundaries, and learn to considerately say “no.” It is time to finally become a self-pleaser person.